How To Get Your Ex Back After a Big Argument

Who among us hasn’t said something they didn’t mean? Or fought long and hard with a partner over issues that in the end, didn’t really matter at all? That’s how relationships operate.

We get close to someone and since opposites really do attract, we have inevitably encounter small and large conflicts.

Why? Because we all have differing opinions on everything from how the toilet paper goes on the roller to the best way to spend an afternoon off work.

Blow ups usually blow over. We grump at one another, maybe do the silent treatment for a few hours or a day and then everything smoothes out and we’re back on an even keel. But what if you had a really big argument and heated words designed to wound because that’s what we do in arguments hit their mark and the relationship was affected to the point someone walked out, calling it quits.

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Arguments, the huge, “I can’t stand to look at you another second” type of arguments, are usually a result of a lot of smaller issues that weren’t dealt with or resentments left unchecked that brewed into bigger than either of you intended them to become.

For whatever reason, the fight happened. It’s out there, hanging in the air between you and your ex. It’s his fault, it’s her fault does it really matter when you want that person back in your life?

You need to start over and work out what caused the argument, but before you can begin again and reach the discussion point, you have to clear the air. You have to get past those defense mechanisms.

Sometimes when people appear cold and indifferent to what you’re saying, it’s because they’re masking the wound your words inflicted. Always begin by saying you’re sorry not only for what you said, but that you’re sorry for how your words made them feel.

Don’t let pride be a street you can’t travel to an apology. When you apologize to someone, it’s not like you’re shouldering all the responsibility for what happened in the argument. It only means that you’re stepping away from the issue for a moment and looking beyond that to say you love them and didn’t mean to hurt them during the argument.

After you say you’re sorry, start a conversation by asking them how they feel about the argument, what they believe you meant. One woman did an experiment once where she taped a conversation during an argument with her partner (with his knowledge).

After the argument, she asked him what he thought she had said. He told her how she’d said he wasn’t important and she didn’t care about him. When she played back the tape, she hadn’t said any of those things.

Your partner can’t see your heart. They can only hear what comes out of your mouth. If you’re tearing them down and saying hateful things, they don’t see “Oh, he (or she) really loves me.” What they get the picture of is, “I don’t matter to this person anymore.” You know that’s not true or you wouldn’t want your ex back.